How to Use Sex Toys A Safe Beginner Guide to Pleasure
Getting Started: Choosing Your First Sex Toy
Not sure how to use sex toys or where to even start? I’ll keep this simple and practical so you can pick your first toy with confidence.
Key Factors: Safety, Size, Vibration, Noise
When you choose your first sex toy, focus on comfort and safety first:
- Body-safe materials (non-porous)
Go for:- Silicone (medical-grade)
- ABS plastic
- Glass (borosilicate)
- Stainless steel
These are body safe sex toy materials, easy to clean, and long-lasting.
Avoid:
- Jelly, rubber, unknown “soft” materials
- Anything that smells strongly of chemicals
These often contain phthalates and are not ideal for beginners.
- Size & shape
- Start small to medium, especially for penetration.
- Smooth curves and tapered tips are more comfortable.
- No sharp edges, no extreme girth for a first time using a vibrator or dildo.
- Vibration intensity & patterns
- Look for toys with a low, gentle setting and a few higher levels.
- You want control, not the strongest motor on the market.
- Power source
- USB rechargeable: discreet, eco-friendly, and usually more powerful.
- Battery-powered: cheaper, easy to replace, good for travel and beginners.
- Noise level
- Choose a quiet vibrator for privacy, especially if you live with family or roommates.
- Many premium toys are “whisper-quiet” and perfect for discreet use.
Best Beginner-Friendly Sex Toys
If you’re new and wondering how to choose your first sex toy, these are the easiest to start with:
- External vibrators
- Great for clitoral stimulation and general external play.
- Sit outside the body; no need for penetration.
- Bullet vibrators
- Small, powerful, and simple.
- Ideal for first time using a vibrator.
- Easy to use on the clitoris, nipples, perineum, or anywhere you like.
- Simple dildos
- Non-vibrating, smooth, and body-safe.
- Great for learning how to use dildos at your own pace.
- Go for slim, straight or gently curved designs.
- Suction / air-pulse toys
- Designed for clitoral stimulation without direct “drag” on the skin.
- Often a favorite for people who don’t like strong buzzy vibrations.
Match Your Toy to Your Anatomy and Goals
Think about what you actually want to feel. That’s how you pick a toy that fits you:
- Clitoral focus
- Bullet vibrators, external vibrators, suction toys
- Perfect if you enjoy external stimulation and want clear, direct pleasure.
- G-spot stimulation
- Look for a curved vibrator or dildo with a slightly firmer tip.
- Designed to reach the front wall of the vagina with pressure and rocking.
- Anal play (beginner anal toy safety)
- Only use toys with a flared base (so they can’t slip inside).
- Start with small butt plugs or slim anal beads.
- Always use plenty of water-based lube.
- Penis / prostate
- For external: vibrating cock rings, strokers, wands for frenulum/perineum.
- For internal: a prostate massager for beginners with a slim, curved shape and base.
- Full-body pleasure
- A wand vibrator or powerful but adjustable toy lets you explore nipples, thighs, back, and genitals.
Solo Toys vs Couples Toys
How to use sex toys safely and comfortably depends on how you plan to use them:
- Solo masturbation toys
- Choose something simple, intuitive, and easy to clean.
- For vulva owners: bullet vibrators, small wands, suction toys.
- For penis owners: strokers, sleeves, vibrating rings.
- Sex toys for couples in bed
- Look at couples vibrators (wearable, C-shaped, or remote-controlled cock rings).
- Compact external vibrators that fit between bodies during penetration are very user-friendly.
- Think: “Will this fit comfortably between us without getting in the way?”
Discreet, Aesthetic, and Travel-Friendly Toys
If privacy matters, design and packaging matter too:
- Discreet designs
- Toys that look like makeup, massagers, or simple shapes.
- Quiet vibrators and travel-friendly sex toys are best for shared homes or dorms.
- Travel-friendly features
- Lock function (to stop it turning on in luggage).
- USB charging and small size.
- Comes with a storage pouch for hygienic, discreet sex toy storage.
- Discreet shipping sex toys
- I always ship in plain, unbranded packaging with neutral labels.
- No one can tell what’s inside from the outside.
Premium and Design-Focused Toys
If you want a more luxe, long-term experience:
- Premium sex toys
- Stronger but smoother motors, quiet operation, and refined patterns.
- High-end silicone, glass, or metal that feels great and lasts longer.
- High-end aesthetic sex toys
- Minimalist, elegant designs that don’t look “obvious.”
- Often waterproof, rechargeable, and app-ready for advanced use.
My own line focuses on body-safe, non-porous materials, quiet but powerful motors, and modern, discreet aesthetics—toys you can leave in a drawer without panic and take on a trip without stress.
Start small, choose safe materials, and let curiosity lead. From your first vibrator to more advanced toys, the goal is simple: comfortable, confident pleasure on your own terms.
Essential Preparation and Safety Tips for How to Use Sex Toys
Getting ready the right way is what keeps sex toys fun, safe, and stress‑free. Here’s how I handle lube, cleaning, storage, consent, and privacy in a simple, practical way.
Choosing the Right Lube for You and Your Toy
Lube matters more than most people think, especially for beginners.
Main types of lube:
- Water-based lube
- Safe with all sex toys and condoms
- Easy to clean, non-sticky, beginner-friendly
- Needs reapplying during longer sessions
- Best choice if you’re unsure
- Silicone-based lube
- Super long-lasting, great for shower play and anal
- Avoid on silicone toys (it can damage the surface)
- Safe with glass, stainless steel, and ABS plastic
- Oil-based lube (natural oils, massage oils)
- Feels rich, good for full-body massage
- Not safe with latex condoms
- Can be hard to wash off, not ideal for sensitive skin or internal use
If you’re buying your first vibrator or dildo, I always recommend pairing it with a good water-based lube, especially for clitoral stimulation, G‑spot play, or anal beginners.
Safe Lube + Toy Pairings
Keep it simple with these pairings:
- Silicone toys
- Best: water-based lube
- Avoid: silicone-based lube
- Glass toys (borosilicate)
- Water-based or silicone-based lube both work
- Metal toys (stainless steel)
- Water-based or silicone-based lube work well
- ABS plastic toys (most bullets, wands, external vibes)
- Safe with water-based or silicone-based lube
When in doubt: water-based lube is your safest, most beginner-friendly option.
How to Clean Sex Toys (Quick and Deep Cleaning)
Quick cleaning (before and after use):
- Turn the toy off and unplug/lock it
- If it’s waterproof/splashproof:
- Rinse with lukewarm water
- Wash with mild, unscented soap or a dedicated toy cleaner
- If it’s not waterproof:
- Wipe the toy down with a damp cloth and a bit of mild soap or toy cleaner
- Avoid getting water in charging ports or battery compartments
- Rinse (if safe) and pat dry with a clean towel
Deep cleaning (when it matters):
Do a deeper clean when:
- You’ve used the toy anally
- You’re sharing with a partner (even with condoms)
- You’ve been sick or had an infection
- The toy hasn’t been used in a long time
For non-porous toys (silicone, glass, stainless steel, high-quality ABS plastic):
- You can usually:
- Wash more thoroughly with soap and warm water
- For only fully non-vibrating, non-electric toys (like solid glass/metal dildos), some people briefly boil them or use a 10% bleach solution rinse — but always follow the brand’s instructions first.
If you’re browsing woman-focused toys, many of our body-safe vibrators and dildos for women are designed for easy cleaning and low-maintenance care, which I highlight in detail on the sex toys for women collection.
Storing Sex Toys Safely and Discreetly
Good storage keeps toys clean, private, and long-lasting:
- Use fabric pouches or storage bags to keep toys away from dust and lint
- Keep different silicone toys separated (some can react if they touch for long periods)
- Store in:
- A drawer organizer
- A small box with a lid
- A lockable case if you share space
- Avoid:
- Direct sunlight
- Excess heat
- Tossing toys loose in a bag with keys or sharp objects
If discretion matters (roommates, family, travel), go for travel-friendly, quiet vibrators that look minimal and come with neutral storage bags.
Body-Safe Materials: What’s Safe and What to Avoid
If you care about safety (you should), look for non-porous, body-safe sex toy materials:
Good, body-safe materials:
- Medical-grade or high-quality silicone
- Borosilicate glass
- Stainless steel
- ABS plastic (hard, smooth plastic used in many vibrators)
Materials to be careful or avoid:
- Jelly rubber
- Toys that smell strongly “chemical”
- Toys with phthalates or very sticky, oily surfaces
- Cheap porous toys that stain, hold smells, or are hard to fully clean
If a toy smells strongly like plastic or perfume out of the box, that’s usually a red flag.
Watching for Irritation or Allergies
Check in with your body:
- If you notice itching, burning, redness, or swelling, stop using:
- That toy
- That lube
- Rinse the area gently with lukewarm water
- Switch to:
- Unscented, glycerin-free water-based lube
- Body-safe silicone, glass, or steel toys with minimal seams
- If irritation doesn’t fade, talk with a healthcare provider, especially if you have known sensitivities or conditions like vulvodynia, vaginismus, or dermatitis.
Consent, Communication, and Boundaries
With a partner, toys should never feel like pressure or a test.
- Talk before play:
- What feels exciting or off-limits?
- Which toys are okay to try?
- Set basics:
- Safe word or phrase (e.g., “red” = stop, “yellow” = slow down)
- Where toys can and cannot go (vaginal only, no anal, etc.)
- Check in during play:
- “How does this feel?”
- “Want stronger, slower, or different?”
Consent also matters in solo play: don’t force yourself into anything just because you “should” like it. Your comfort comes first.
How to Relax and Start Slow
If it’s your first time using sex toys or you feel nervous, slow is better:
- Create a relaxed space:
- Dim lights, music, shower beforehand
- Lock your door if privacy is an issue
- Start with:
- External touch only (over underwear if needed)
- Low vibration speeds
- Simple shapes (bullet vibrator, external vibe)
- Focus on comfort over orgasms:
- Explore sensations
- Pause anytime your body tenses or your mind feels distracted
No rush, no “performance” needed. This is just you getting to know your own reactions.
Privacy Tips: Sound, Roommates, and Discreet Packaging
If you live with others or need to be discreet:
- Sound control:
- Pick quiet vibrators with low noise levels
- Use toys under a blanket or in the shower to muffle sound
- Play background music or white noise
- Storage and visibility:
- Use non-obvious cases (makeup bag, tech pouch, toiletry kit)
- Keep charging cables separate from your desk or shared areas
- Discreet packaging:
- Most good online stores (including mine) ship in plain, unmarked boxes, with neutral billing names and no explicit branding on the outside.
If you care about both privacy and design, I focus heavily on high-end, aesthetic vibrators that look more like wellness devices than “adult toys,” discussed in more depth in my guide to modern, comfort-focused vibrators.
Handle lube, cleaning, storage, and boundaries well, and you’ll avoid most problems beginners run into. Safe, slow, and intentional is the best way to start using sex toys confidently.
How to Use Sex Toys Solo
Using sex toys solo is about learning what your body likes, without pressure or performance. I’ll keep this simple and practical so you can actually use it.
Warm Up Your Body and Mind
Before you grab a toy, give yourself 5–15 minutes to warm up:
- Dim the lights, lock the door, put your phone on silent.
- Play music or erotic audio, or let your mind wander to a fantasy.
- Breathe slowly: in for 4, out for 6–8. This calms your nervous system and helps arousal build.
- Start with your hands: stroke your thighs, stomach, chest, and hips over clothes or under.
The more relaxed you are, the better any sex toy will feel.
Using Breath, Touch, and Fantasy
You don’t need a high sex drive to enjoy solo play. Focus on:
- Breath: Slow, deep breathing while you touch yourself.
- Touch: Light tracing, then firmer strokes as you get turned on.
- Fantasy: Think about scenarios, people, or sensations that feel good to you. You can also use erotica or videos if that works better.
This is how you build arousal before bringing in vibrators, dildos, or anal toys.
External Play: Clitoris, Vulva, Nipples & More
If you have a vulva, external stimulation is usually the easiest place to start:
- Gently explore your clitoris, labia, vulva, and perineum with fingers or a toy.
- Try circling, tapping, or holding steady pressure rather than “attacking” one spot.
- Don’t forget nipples, neck, inner thighs, butt cheeks, and stomach—these are strong erogenous zones for most people.
Small external toys like a bullet can be great for this. A compact toy like the Cloud Nachtlicht vibrator gives you focused clitoral stimulation without being overwhelming.
How to Use Vibrators on Low Settings
If it’s your first time using a vibrator:
- Start on the lowest setting, even if you think you want intense vibrations.
- Place it next to the clitoris or shaft first (on the pubic mound, labia, or around the head of the penis) instead of directly on the most sensitive spot.
- Give each intensity level at least 1–2 minutes before turning it up.
- If you feel numb, tingly, or overstimulated, turn it down or take a short break.
You’re not trying to “race” to orgasm—just explore what feels good.
Using Suction Toys and Air Pulse on the Clitoris
Air-pulse and suction toys feel different from regular vibrators—more like gentle suction or tapping:
- Use water-based lube around the clit to help the toy seal comfortably.
- Start by placing it slightly off-center from the clitoris, then move closer as you adjust.
- Begin on low intensity, then slowly increase if it feels good.
- If it feels too strong, break the seal, re-position, and go lighter.
These are great if you want strong clitoral orgasms without a “buzzing” sensation.
Internal Play: Inserting Dildos and Vibrators Comfortably
For vaginal penetration with dildos or vibrators:
- Make sure you’re already aroused: wetness, warmth, and some external play first.
- Use plenty of water-based lube on both the toy and your entrance.
- Start with a slim, smooth toy and insert slowly, breathing out as you slide it in.
- Stop if you feel sharp pain—go slower, add more lube, or switch back to external stimulation.
You should feel stretching and fullness, not burning or stinging.
Basic G‑Spot Techniques
The G-spot is usually a few centimeters inside the front wall of the vagina (toward your belly):
- Insert a toy and tilt it up toward your navel.
- Use rocking or “come here” motions instead of fast thrusting.
- Experiment with gentle pressure first, then firmer if it feels pleasurable.
- Some people feel the urge to pee at first—that’s common. Ease up, breathe, and see if it turns into pleasure.
Curved toys or G-spot vibrators can make this easier by hitting the angle for you.
Positions for Solo Penetration
Try different solo positions to see what gives you the best control:
- On your back: Knees bent, feet flat. Good for guiding the toy with your hand.
- On your stomach: Toy under you, rocking your hips against it (great for hands-free style).
- On all fours: Insert from behind and hold the base or use a toy that sticks to a surface.
Choose what lets you move at your own pace without straining your wrist or back.
Anal Toy Basics for Beginners
Anal play is very sensitive but needs extra care and lube:
- Start with small anal plugs, slim beads, or tiny toys made for anal use.
- The toy must have a flared base so it can’t slip in too far.
- Use lots of lube (more than you think you need) and go very slowly.
- Never use the same toy from anus to vagina without washing or using a condom.
Anal play should never be rushed.
How to Insert Anal Toys Safely
To insert anal toys safely:
- Get relaxed—warm shower, deep breaths, maybe some external play first.
- Apply lube on both your anus and the toy.
- Start with a fingertip or the very tip of the toy and gently circle the entrance.
- Slowly guide it in, pausing when you feel resistance and breathing out.
- If it burns or hurts, stop, add more lube, and try again later—no forcing.
Patience is what makes anal play feel good instead of painful.
Controlling Speed, Patterns, and Rhythm
Most modern toys come with different modes. To avoid overwhelm:
- Start with steady, continuous vibration rather than complex patterns.
- Play with:
- Speed: Slow vs fast thrusting or rocking
- Patterns: Pulses, waves, or escalating cycles
- Rhythm: Consistent stimulation vs teasing on/off
Notice what makes you build up slowly versus what pushes you over the edge quickly.
Edging, Teasing, and Varied Stimulation
If you want stronger orgasms or new sensations:
- Edging: Bring yourself close to orgasm, then turn the toy down or move it away for 30–60 seconds before building up again.
- Teasing: Move the toy around different areas (inner thighs, mound, shaft, perineum) instead of staying on one spot.
- Switching modes: Use a steady vibration to build arousal, then switch to pulses near your peak.
You’re training your body to enjoy the journey, not just the finish.
Using Toys During Masturbation Without Overwhelm
If you’re new to sex toys or feel nervous:
- Start with one simple toy—for example, a bullet vibrator or a small remote-controlled egg like the vibrating egg with remote control.
- Keep your regular masturbation routine and just add the toy as a bonus.
- Use the toy for a few minutes, then finish with your hand if that feels more familiar.
- Give yourself time over a few sessions—comfort and pleasure usually grow with practice.
Solo play with sex toys is about curiosity, not performance. Your only “goal” is to notice what your body likes and follow that.
Enhancing Pleasure with a Partner: How To Use Sex Toys Together
Talk about sex toys without awkwardness
Be straight and calm about it. For example:
- “I’ve been curious about trying a vibrator together. Would you be open to experimenting with toys?”
- Focus on curiosity, not criticism. Avoid “You don’t…” and use “I’d like to…”
- Share what turns you on, and ask them what excites or worries them.
Introduce toys as a boost, not a replacement
Make it clear the toy is an “upgrade,” not a stand‑in:
- “I love sex with you. A toy could make it even better for both of us.”
- Put the toy in your shared toolbox: “This is for us, not just for me.”
- Start with simple, beginner-friendly toys like small vibrators or couples toys so it feels fun, not intimidating.
Boundaries and safe words
Before you even touch a toy:
- Agree on hard limits (e.g., no anal, no high-intensity vibration).
- Pick a simple safe word (like “red” to stop, “yellow” to slow down).
- Decide who controls the toy and how to pause instantly if needed.
Using toys in foreplay
Start outside the genitals to keep it playful and low-pressure:
- Run a bullet vibrator over nipples, inner thighs, lower belly, balls, perineum, and butt cheeks.
- Use light vibration on the clitoris, vulva, or along the shaft of the penis while kissing or touching.
- Try switching who’s in control so both of you feel involved.
If you want curated options, our sex toys for couples section includes bundles and versatile vibrators designed for teasing and foreplay, all shipped in discreet packaging: sex toys for couples.
Vibrators during kissing, oral, or hand play
- During kissing: hold a small vibrator against the outside of the underwear or press it against the inner thigh.
- During oral sex:
- On a vulva: place a vibrator at the clitoral hood while your mouth focuses lower.
- On a penis: run the vibrator along the base, perineum, or balls while using your mouth or hands.
- During manual play: use the toy in one hand and your other hand for skin‑to‑skin contact.
Using toys during intercourse
Placement and grip matter:
- For vaginal penetration plus a vibrator, place a flat or bullet toy on the clitoris or press it against the pubic bone where it still touches the clit.
- One partner can hold the toy, or you can wedge a flatter toy between the pelvises in certain positions.
- Keep intensity low or medium at first; too strong can cause numbness or distraction.
Best positions for vibrators or dildos
These give the most control and access:
- Missionary with legs slightly open or raised – easy to place a vibrator on the clit or base of the penis.
- Woman/partner on top – the partner on top controls pressure, angle, and toy placement.
- Spooning – good for holding a small vibrator on the clit or perineum from behind.
- For dildos, one partner can use the toy while the other kisses, touches, or stimulates nipples and other erogenous zones.
How to use couples vibrators
Couples toys can keep both of you in the action:
- Wearable vibrators (panty vibes, panty bullets): great for public teasing or grinding during sex.
- C‑shaped couples vibrators: one end inside the vagina, the other sits against the clit while a penis or dildo penetrates.
- Vibrating cock rings: worn at the base of the penis; the vibrating part rests on the clit or perineum during thrusting.
Mutual masturbation with toys
Mutual masturbation is one of the easiest ways to explore sex toys together:
- Sit or lie facing each other and each use your own toy while watching and talking.
- Take turns controlling each other’s toy (intensity, pattern, placement).
- Describe what feels best out loud—this builds communication and future confidence.
Double stimulation (clitoral + penetration, anal + vaginal)
If you’re both comfortable and aroused:
- For vulva owners: use a clitoral vibrator during penetration (penis, dildo, or vibrator).
- For those into anal play: pair a small butt plug or beads with vaginal or penile stimulation.
- Keep toys small at first and use plenty of lube; more isn’t always better. You can explore dedicated anal toys later, like our anal vibrators or anal dildos built for safe double stimulation: anal toys collection.
Adjust if something feels off
Stop the moment anything feels wrong:
- If there’s pain, burning, or numbness: pause, add more lube, lower intensity, change angle—or switch activities.
- If one partner feels emotionally off (self-conscious, overwhelmed, disconnected): talk and slow down.
- Reframe it as experimentation: “This toy isn’t our thing right now. Let’s try something else.”
Using sex toys as a couple should feel like teamwork, not a performance. Talk, adjust, and treat every session as practice in learning each other’s bodies and limits.
Long-distance and app-controlled sex toys
How app-controlled vibrators work in real life
App-controlled vibrators and remote sex toys connect via Bluetooth to your phone, then your phone connects to the internet to let someone else control the toy from anywhere. In real life this means:
- You wear or insert the toy.
- You and your partner both open the brand’s app.
- You send them an invite link or code.
- They control patterns, intensity, and rhythm from their screen, and you feel everything in real time.
For penises, strokers and prostate toys work the same way as app-controlled vibrators: Bluetooth to phone, phone to partner. If you’re curious about options geared to men, you can check curated lists of sex toys for men and strokers for inspiration.
Setting up remote-control toys for long-distance relationships
First-time setup is usually quick:
- Charge the toy fully before pairing.
- Download the official app (check the QR code or manual).
- Turn on Bluetooth and follow the in‑app pairing steps.
- Test it locally first so you both know how strong and how loud it is.
- Save your favorite patterns so you can jump straight into play during calls.
Once it’s set up, using remote control sex toys becomes as easy as starting a video call.
Fun ideas for remote play
To keep long-distance sex toys exciting, I like to use them as part of a game, not just “turn on and climax.” A few ideas:
- Video call scenes – You control each other’s toys while watching reactions.
- Surprise control – Agree on a time window, then let your partner randomly take over your wearable vibrator or prostate massager.
- Challenges – No touching yourself with your hands, only the toy; or try to hold off orgasm while your partner ramps up intensity.
- Mutual masturbation with toys – Each of you uses your own vibrator, stroker, or plug while the other sets patterns and speed.
Using patterns, intensity, and rhythm through apps
Modern app-controlled vibrators let you play with:
- Patterns – steady buzz, pulses, waves, random mode.
- Intensity – fine control between super gentle and very strong.
- Rhythm – tap on the screen to “play” custom beats, or sync to music.
I recommend starting with low intensity, then slowly building up. For beginners:
- Use short bursts (5–10 seconds) and then pause.
- Alternate between steady vibration and pulses to avoid numbness.
- Save any pattern that gives you a great orgasm so you can repeat it later.
Privacy and security with app-based sex toys
Remote control toys are fun, but you still need basic security:
- Only use the official app from the App Store/Google Play.
- Turn off Bluetooth and the toy when not in use.
- Use strong passwords and don’t share your account.
- Read the app’s privacy policy (check what data they store, and if you can delete it).
- Avoid using real names or faces in screenshots if you’re worried about privacy.
Quiet, low-noise vibrators are ideal if you live with others; look for “quiet” or “whisper‑silent” in the specs.
Solo play & discreet public teasing
App-controlled vibrators aren’t just for couples:
- For solo masturbation, use the app to build custom patterns or sync vibrations to your playlist.
- For discreet public play, choose a wearable vibrator that sits comfortably in underwear, set it to low power, and test how loud it is at home first.
- Keep your phone on silent and make sure the toy has an easy “off” button in case you bump into someone you know.
If you like porn while using toys, you can also explore interactive content paired with toys similar to what’s described in many sex-with-toys experiences to get more ideas.
Keeping things exciting over time
To stop remote sex from getting stale, treat your interactive sex toys like a game:
- Create themed nights – teasing only, edging only, or “you control me for 15 minutes no matter what.”
- Share fantasies in chat and build scenes around your toys (e.g., you’re “not allowed” to touch yourself unless the app is on).
- Swap roles – sometimes you wear the toy, sometimes they do.
- Adjust intensity based on mood – gentle for slow, intimate nights; stronger for quick, wild sessions.
The goal isn’t just orgasm; it’s feeling connected, playful, and turned on together, even when you’re not in the same room or even the same country.
Advanced Tips: How to Use Sex Toys Like a Pro
Once you’re comfy with the basics, you can level up how you use sex toys and get way more out of them. Here’s how to push things a bit further without overdoing it.
Level up with stronger or specialized vibrators
If you’re used to a simple bullet, you can move into:
- Stronger vibrators – wand vibrators, powerful clitoral toys, rumbly motors (deep vibrations, not just buzzy).
- Targeted toys – G-spot vibrators, prostate massagers, suction toys, and curved toys for internal hotspots.
- Tip: Start on the lowest setting, then slowly increase. If you go numb, dial back the intensity or take a short break.
Dildo & penetrative toy techniques
Don’t just “in and out.” Try different motions:
- Thrusting: Slow, steady strokes at first. Adjust depth until it feels right.
- Rocking: Keep the toy partly inside and rock it forward/back to massage the front wall (great for G-spot or prostate).
- Grinding: Hold the toy still and grind your body against it for more controlled pressure.
If you like firm, non-vibrating toys, check out smooth, body-safe dildos designed for women’s bodies with gentle curves for easier internal angles.
Angle tricks for G-spot & A-spot
- G-spot: Aim the tip toward your belly button (front wall of the vagina), then:
- Use a “come here” motion
- Try small circles or gentle tapping
- A-spot: Deeper, still on the front wall. Use a longer toy, go slow, and focus on sustained, gentle pressure rather than hard thrusting.
Intermediate anal toy play
Once small beginner toys feel easy, you can explore:
- Medium plugs with a thicker neck
- Anal beads with gradually larger sizes
- Prostate toys with a curved shape and flared base
Always use lots of lube and choose toys with a safe base. If you’re curious about more options, browse structured, body-safe anal toys for men and all bodies to match your level.
Layering sensations & combining toys
You can safely stack sensations if you stay aware of your body:
- Double stimulation:
- Vibrator on the clitoris + internal dildo
- Prostate toy + external perineum vibrator
- Triple focus (advanced): clitoral + vaginal + anal, but:
- Go slow
- Keep communication clear (if with a partner)
- Use fresh lube and separate condoms if sharing toys between areas
Never move a toy from anal to vaginal without fully cleaning or changing a condom.
Temperature play with toys
Temperature can deepen sensations:
- Cooling: Put glass or metal toys in cold water for a few minutes (not ice-cold to the point of pain).
- Warming: Place the toy in warm (not hot) water or use body heat.
- Always test the temp on your inner wrist first. Avoid microwaves or boiling water.
Rhythm strategies for stronger orgasms
How to use vibrators and toys with more intention:
- Pulses: Short bursts, then pauses to build anticipation.
- Waves: Start low, gradually climb to mid-intensity, drop, then climb again.
- Edging: Bring yourself close to orgasm, then ease off and restart. This can make the final release much stronger.
Try setting a pattern (e.g. “20 seconds high, 10 seconds low”) and stick to it for a few minutes to let your body respond.
Listening to your body
Advanced doesn’t mean pushing through discomfort. Watch for:
- Numbness or overstimulation: reduce intensity or change area.
- Sharp pain or burning: stop, add more lube, change angle, or switch toys.
- Emotional fatigue: if you’re checked out mentally, take a break.
Your best “technique” is tuning into what your body actually likes, then adjusting toy type, angle, pressure, and rhythm over time.
Common Sex Toy Mistakes to Avoid (And How to Fix Them)
Even if you’re reading every beginner sex toy guide out there, a few classic mistakes still trip people up. Here’s how to use sex toys safely, avoid problems, and actually enjoy yourself.
1. Starting Too Fast or Too Intense
Most issues come from going in too hard, too soon.
- Always start on the lowest vibration setting or with very gentle movement.
- Give your body a few minutes to catch up before increasing speed or intensity.
- If anything feels “too much,” dial it back immediately.
2. Skipping Lube or Using the Wrong Type
Lube is not optional — it’s comfort and safety.
- For most silicone toys, use water-based lube.
- For glass, metal, or ABS plastic toys, you can use water-based or high-quality silicone lube.
- Avoid oil-based lubes with latex condoms and some toys.
If you’re using strokers or masturbators, a good water-based lube is basically mandatory for smooth, realistic glide, like with many of the designs found in dedicated masturbators for men.
3. Ignoring Discomfort, Pain, or Numbness
Pain, burning, or numbness is your stop sign.
- Stop immediately if anything hurts, pinches, or feels “off.”
- Add more lube, change angle, slow down, or switch toys.
- Numbness often means the vibration is too strong or used for too long in one spot — take breaks.
4. Using Unsafe or Unknown Materials
Not all toys are made with body-safe materials.
- Prioritize non-porous, body-safe materials: silicone, glass, stainless steel, ABS plastic.
- Avoid toys that smell strongly of chemicals, feel sticky, or are labeled just as “jelly” with no clear material info.
- If in doubt, don’t put it inside your body.
5. Sharing Toys Without Proper Cleaning
Sharing toys can spread bacteria and infections.
- Wash toys with warm water and mild, unscented soap between users.
- For penetrative toys, use condoms over the toy when sharing, especially between anal and vaginal use.
- For more functional health-focused designs, many body-safe toys for women’s intimate care are built for easier cleaning and hygiene, similar to those in the functional healthcare sex toys for women collection.
6. Not Orgasming Right Away and Freaking Out
Not orgasming with a toy the first time is completely normal.
- Treat it as exploration, not an exam you have to pass.
- Try different speeds, angles, and pressure.
- Combine toy use with your usual manual techniques or fantasy.
Your body might need a few sessions to “learn” a new type of stimulation.
7. Performance Anxiety and Self‑Consciousness
Sex toys are supposed to reduce pressure, not add it.
- Drop the goal of “I must orgasm” and focus on what feels good right now.
- If you’re with a partner, say it out loud: “Let’s just explore, no pressure.”
- If your mind is racing, slow down, breathe deeply, and come back to sensation.
8. Obsessing Over Results Instead of Pleasure
When you treat a vibrator like a performance tool, you lose half the fun.
- Shift from “I need a blended orgasm” to “What feels nice in this moment?”
- Take breaks, switch areas, or tease yourself instead of chasing one specific outcome.
- Pleasure first. Orgasms are a bonus, not the only goal.
9. Using Worn-Out or Damaged Toys
Old or damaged toys can be unsafe. Replace your toy when:
- The surface is peeling, cracking, sticky, or discolored.
- The toy smells weird even after washing.
- The motor is weak, noisy, or cutting out.
- Cords are frayed or the casing is loose.
When in doubt, retire it. Your body deserves clean, safe, reliable toys — not something you’re worried about every time you use it.
FAQ: How to Use Sex Toys (Beginner-Safe Guide)
Are sex toys safe for beginners and first-time users?
Yes, if you focus on body-safe sex toy materials and go slow. Look for:
- Non-porous, body-safe materials: silicone, glass, stainless steel, ABS plastic
- Beginner-friendly designs: small bullet vibrators, soft external toys, slim plugs
- Low settings: start with the lowest vibration and build up
If anything feels sharp, smells strongly of chemicals, or irritates your skin, stop using it.
How do I clean different types of sex toys properly?
Basic rule: mild soap + warm water for most non-electric toys.
- Silicone, glass, stainless steel, ABS plastic:
- Rinse, use unscented soap, rinse again, air-dry
- Deep clean silicone/glass/steel (no motors) by boiling for a few minutes if needed
- Electric/vibrating toys:
- Don’t submerge battery/charging ports
- Use a damp cloth with mild soap or a toy cleaner
Store dry, in a pouch or box, away from dust and direct sunlight.
Can sex toys improve intimacy and communication in relationships?
Absolutely. Sex toys for couples in bed can help you:
- Talk more openly about what feels good
- Share control and experiment with new sensations
- Take pressure off “performance” and focus on pleasure
Many couples love adding couples vibrators or lingerie-style toys as part of foreplay and mutual masturbation.
How can I use toys if I live with family or roommates and need discretion?
Focus on quiet, discreet sex toys and smart storage:
- Choose quiet vibrators and small bullet vibrators
- Store in a pouch inside a drawer, box, or suitcase
- Use toys under a blanket with headphones/music to cover sound
- Buy from shops that offer discreet shipping and packaging, so the box doesn’t reveal what’s inside
What should I know before trying anal toys for the first time?
For beginner anal toy safety, remember:
- Only use toys with a flared base (e.g., a butt plug for beginners)
- Use plenty of water-based lube—reapply often
- Go slow: start with the smallest size, breathe, and don’t push through pain
- Never use the same toy for anal and vaginal play without cleaning or a condom between them
How do I pick my very first toy if I feel overwhelmed by choices?
Keep it simple. For your first time using a vibrator, I recommend:
- A small external vibrator (bullet or mini wand)
- Water-based lube for comfort
- Quiet, rechargeable, one or two settings max
If you have a penis, explore strokers or simple toys designed for men; guides like this on the best sex toys for men can help narrow it down: best sex toys for men and beginners.
Can I use sex toys if I have sensitivities, pain, or a medical condition?
Often, yes—but be careful and, if possible, talk to a doctor. Tips:
- Choose soft, body-safe silicone, no fragrances, no cheap jelly materials
- Use lots of lube to reduce friction
- Start with gentle external stimulation instead of deep penetration
- Stop right away if you feel burning, sharp pain, or numbness
How do I choose sex toys for long-distance play and remote control?
Look for app-controlled vibrators or interactive sex toys that:
- Connect via Bluetooth + smartphone app
- Allow pattern, intensity, and rhythm control from anywhere
- Have good reviews for app stability and privacy
These long distance sex toys are great for shared control during video calls, sexting, and teasing from different cities or time zones.
Where can I find body-safe, discreet, and premium sex toys online?
Shop with stores that clearly list materials, offer discreet adult toys online, and show real product details. I focus on:
- Body-safe, non-porous materials only
- Quiet and travel-friendly sex toys
- Minimal, high-end aesthetic sex toys that look more like design objects than “toys”
For couples who want to mix in kink or power play, curated sets like a premium bondage set for couples can be a tasteful way to explore together: bondage sets for couples and beginners.